It’s one thing to be good at football. It’s another thing to have a great name. A lot of good football players have everyday names. If you are talented AND have a great name, well, that’s the kind of thing that Key & Peele write skits about.
If Key & Peele used real players in their skits, here are the names you would hear:
Quarterback
Buckshot Calvert, Liberty
Rocky Lombardi, Michigan State
Honorable Mention
Jawon Pass, Louisville
Running Back
Kavosiey Smoke, Kentucky
Xazavian Valladay, Wyoming
Honorable Mention
Ta’Zhawn Henry, Texas Tech
Let’s be real, running back could begin and end with Kavosiey Smoke, but I threw in a couple more for good measure.
Wide Receiver
Yo’Heinz Tyler, Ball State
Q’ Drennan, New Mexico
Whop Philyor, Indiana
Mac Hippenhammer, Penn State
Trent Wilderbralthwait, Marshall
Honorable Mention
Charleston Rambo, Oklahoma
Obi Obialo, Marshall
Amon-Ra Julian Heru J. St. Brown, USC
Tight End
Jaeger Bull, Rice
Joey Magnifico, Memphis
Honorable Mention
Chigoziem Okonkwo
Pound for pound, Letter for letter, tight end has the strongest names of any position.
Offensive Line
Prince Tega Wanogho, Auburn
Baer Hunter, App State
Brodarious Hamm, Auburn
Wolfgang Rehbock, BYU
Poutasi Poutasi, Cal
Honorable Mention
Joey Nu’uanu-Kuhi’iki, Hawaii
Rakavius Chambers, Duke
Defensive Line
Korey Rush, Nevada
Levi Onwuzurike, Washington
Big Kat Bryant, Auburn
Isaiahh Loudermilk, Wisconsin
Linebacker
Bumper Pool, Arkansas
Thunder Keck, Stanford
Tuf Borland, Ohio State
Chaz Ah You, BYU
Honorable Mention
Fa’avae Fa’avae, Washington State
Defensive Back
Storm Duck, North Carolina
Divine Deablo, Virginia Tech
Smoke Monday, Auburn
Prince-Elijah DeGroat, Fordham
Kicker
Jet Toner
Honorable Mention
Casey Legg, West Virginia
This is where you would expect a lame office supply joke, but I’m not gonna do it.
Punter
George Georgopoulos, UMass
One on-field matchup that we need to see
Hawaii DL Manly Williams vs California OL Gentle Williams
Smoke, Big Kat, Brodarious, Prince Tega – the names on Auburn’s roster are incredible – and I didn’t even mention JaTarvious “Boobie” Whitlow or Shaun Shivers. They are on their way to building their very own all-name team.
Who is your favorite name on the list above? Who did I leave out? Let me know @DW_BMack.
